I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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