I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
