o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
