I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
