i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
