Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
high people should be assigned attendants
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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