and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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