and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
