I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
