So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
