I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
