We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
