I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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