I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
