I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
