i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
