i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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