Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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