dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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