I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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