Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
