Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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