but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
