Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
