Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
