On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
