So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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