He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
