good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
