I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
