Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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