ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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