Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
