Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
