just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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