Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
