I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
