drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
