They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
