I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
