I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
