I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
