Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
