no, he came in my armpit
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
