I murdered the dance floor call the cops
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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