If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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