If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
