I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
