Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
