i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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