she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
