She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
