dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
