Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
