When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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