I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
