she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
